Laurie Fitzsimmons

On September 26th, we got an email from my sister-in-law, (Tim's sister) Kim telling us some very shocking and unexpected news. Their sister, Laurie, had been to a doctor who thought he saw cancer spots on her liver, but a biopsy was being done to confirm it.

It came back positive for cancer, but we subsequently learned it had not spread. This generated a small amount of hope for a liver transplant or some other new procedure still in experimental stages. Without intervention, she was given about 18 months to live. At 49 years old.

Chemo ensued, but infections put that on hold.

By Thanksgiving, she was drastically weaker, but still looked to be in good health.

One week later, we left for Disney World and were told she might not make it until we got back.

We returned to find her condition much deteriorated. She had no energy, even for talking, and it was time to face the harsh reality.

Last Friday she was given a week or two.

Monday, she died.

She leaves a husband and three children, Josh, Nichole and Lauren. It was this daughter Nichole who just got married. She moved the date up so her mom could be there. The picture above was taken 10 days before her death. I felt a desperation that day to capture her, to give a very small remembrance gift to her family. I wish they all could have been in the shot, but as Laurie was so weak at the point, the picture was too rushed.

Laurie was fun and full of life. She loved my girls. She was passionate about her family and was so proud of her kids. She was her sister, Kim's, best friend and was always up for an adventure with her, whether it was getting up before dawn for the day after Thanksgiving sales or heading off to Disneyland for a shot at seeing a Pirates of the Caribbean star.

Like all the Lasch siblings, she worried about getting Alzheimer's, not cancer!

It's not fair.

I told God that, but my heart wasn't in it. I could hear my mom's voice saying, "Life's not fair." I always hated that when I was a kid. She was the mom. She could make it fair if she wanted to.

Now I know better.

Life's not fair.

The strangest part of all of this for me has been the surrealness of it. I don't know if I was in denial, or hadn't given myself time to really think about it, but the whole thing felt like it wasn't really happening. Maybe it was too fast. Maybe it was too unbelievable.

I'm beginning to think it was the peace of God.

Going through any hard time, a lot of Christian platitudes come to mind: All things work together for good, God's in control, She's going to a better place, Pray for peace.

I know all of that is true, but having been through some small trials myself, I find trite sayings don't bring me much comfort.

I need to experience the truth of these words for myself before I can own them and believe them. I think Tim and I and many other members of the family genuinely experienced God's peace.

I know, I didn't ask for it. I didn't seek it. I didn't know I needed it. I didn't even recognize it when it came. It was just there.

That's cool.

So now I know. We have lost a loved one to a terrible disease, with no warning and no hope for recovery. Yet God poured out His peace on us like He said He would.

Laurie has gone home. She's with her mom in an amazing place standing in the presence of God.

I believe that. It's not an empty platitude. I have to believe it, or there is no hope.

We're still here however. We have to keep on with a permanent hole in our hearts and lives.

But if God kept His promise to us, to give us peace, I know He kept His promise to Laurie, and welcomed her home with open arms.

And I know He'll continue to comfort those of us left behind.


Left to right, the Lasch family: Scott, Kim, Tim, Gene (dad), Terry, and Laurie