Gay Marriage

Unfortunately, I accidentally published this last night. I meant to sleep on it and think it over before deciding to publish it. So those of you with RSS feeds already saw this, although I made a few minor changes. When I originally wrote it, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to publish it, but since it is already "out there" here it is...

I was thinking about this particular issue the other day, and it kept me up all night.

When that happens, I know I have to blog about it! I almost never get political, and this is actually not a political post. I only want to clarify two fallacies I believe people make in their thinking about this issue.

The first argument I generally hear in favor of gay marriage is that it is patently unfair to give some people the legal benefits of marriage and not others. That Constitutionally, we all should be treated exactly the same.

This argument sounds logical on its face, but there is a problem if you really stop and think about it. By saying everyone should be given the legal status of marriage if they desire it, you are opening the door to any and all situations. Should a brother and sister be allowed to marry? What about two women and a man? What about four sisters? What about a mother and her daughter? What about a man and his dog? If it is indeed patently unfair to deny marriage benefits to some, then these people should not be denied either.

I know some of you are having the knee-jerk, How dare you compare homosexuality to incest or bestiality! reaction. I am not comparing them, I am simply coming up with a variety of situations that can make the same "fairness" argument. Play at home. Come up with your own situations.

Now if you think one or more of these examples is over the line and the state should not recognize a marriage in that particular case, then you believe there is a point at which some will be denied the benefits of marriage. Our quibble then becomes over where the line should be drawn. And since marriage was instituted by God, I figure He should get to define it. Not me. Not you. Not four judges. It's His creation, His definition. Let Him draw the line.

The second common fallacy is the false "either - or" conundrum. Generally it is expressed as, Well since heterosexual marriage fail at a 50% rate, we're not doing such a good job upholding the sanctity of marriage. We might as well recognize gay marriage since we are doing such a crummy job of it. Basically it's: Either we do this marriage thing perfectly (or pretty darn close) or we accept gay marriage.

But this is a false proposition. Where do we apply this anywhere else in life? Either Western medicine provides infallible solutions to our health problems or we elevate Voodoo to an acceptable form of health care. Either I am a perfect person who never screws up as a parent or I cannot instruct my child in the ways of right and wrong. Either our church practices Christianity perfectly and is full of perfect Christ-followers or we have no business telling others Jesus is the only way to a relationship with God.

Yes, we screw up the institution of marriage. We have come nowhere near doing it right! Is the church somewhat to blame? Sure! We do not honor marriage the way we should. We do not provide all the resources we should. We do not have the expectations we should. Generally, we as a people, suck at marriage.

But so what? What does that have to do with recognizing gay marriage as legitimate? Nothing. That we fail at maintaining a high standard does not mean the standard should be tossed.

I believe we have missed a very important point in all of this. God instituted marriage on day one of human existance. It was the first institution He put into place. Before worship, sacrifices, the law, or any other practice He devised.

He painted an unmistakable picture of His love for us. He wanted to show us in terms we could understand how devoted and committed He is to us. He is faithful to the very end of time. He wants to be intimately aware of who we are. He will never leave us or forsake us. He loves us with an undying love. He uses the marriage analogy time and again in scripture. We are His bride! He wants to be our husband. He has set up the roles in marriage to mirror our relationship to Him. Marriage is His best and most perfect analogy of the kind of relationship He wants with us.

We have screwed up His picture.

But His ideal remains. If the church could really dive deep into just what marriage is and why marriage was instituted by God, they would see that clearly, anything outside of what God set up, muddies the picture He is providing for us.

Perhaps we have erred in letting the state have a hand it what rightfully belongs to God. I don't know. I think churches/God should be who gets to define marriage. But then you run into the problem of each church coming up with its own definition. Perhaps a church somewhere will sanction a man marrying a herd of cattle. These kind of haphazard "marriages" would ultimately result in the disintegration and rejection of marriage altogether. We have only to look at the post-marriage society of Europe to see where that leads. Europe as we know it is literally dying and will be replaced by Muslim culture in the space of a generation. I love our country and our civilization too much to see it die. The only way I see to preserve marriage in our society is to have the state sanction it. Yet having the state involved in the province of religious decisions is very problematic. While some would say we should get out of the legislating morality business and allow God to change individual hearts. But in the meantime... I just don't know.

But above all, I do know that the beauty of marriage belongs to God. The enemy would love nothing more than to mess up His metaphor, distorting our view of a loving, sacrificial God. So he messes with our marriages and he messes with our definitions...

I know some will see this as a hate-filled anti-gay post. It is nothing of the sort. God wants that intimate, marriage-like, love relationship with every person - gay or straight. He loves each one of us, sent His son to die for each one of us. He wants each one of us for His bride, if we will but choose to follow Him.

So I am following Him, loving my husband and obeying Him as I obey Christ. He is loving me as Christ loved the church. For now, that's all I can do...